Debating on waiting

How many times have we waited for things to happen in our life that simply don't or take ages and ages to materialise such that you end up getting vexed, frustrated, demotivated and feel emotions along similar lines..

How many times have we waited for long term plans to work out, short term goals to fall into place, for much awaited phone calls, people to turn up on time, at the bank, at the ATM machine and how many times have we let it all get to us.

I write today, about waiting because it has opened up a lot of room for thought. I feel light because I have realised and accepted to take situations and people as they are. The concept is simple. Let go, and just let it be. We are in control for all that we feel. Correct me if I am wrong, but happiness is a state of mind. What we want is never proportional to what we get and waiting for that to happen is simply not going to help. Today has been a day of analysis and though I didn't have to see it to believe it, when I began to think about 'waiting' a lot of examples just swam in to my thoughts.

Watching the auto driver get impatient as I withdraw money from the ATM, yes, like any other day there is a long queue, I watch him look left, right, towards me several times, at his watch, tap his feet constantly, I wonder why he has brought it on himself. Hours later I find myself in the same situation, waiting, for a phone call, it's 1:00, it's 5:30, it's 7:00, it's 11:00 pm!!! Come on, what could have possibly gone wrong? Imagine, 10 hours of mental impatience. The examples might my numerous. We see them unfold everyday, either in ourselves or the people around us.

There have been stages in my life, when I have been rational and when I have not. It is never constant, for we are human and it is human to revert to comfort zones. It takes effort to be wise, to be rational, to be level headed. It's is easy, on the contrary, to revert to old habits, comfort zones, sulking, complaining, waiting and attributing your unhappiness to waiting. I remembered that at one stage I was optimistic about life. Waiting didn't matter, like several other discomforts, simply because perception and outlook of the situation was different, and I remembered how it felt to be able to let go and just let it be. Happy. It is quite pointless, I have realised, to let small irksome incidents ruin your state of mind, rather, I think henceforth I will be making the most of it. Making the most of time, of being in the 'now' and giving the present all that it deserves. In Spencer Johnson's words, "the present is a present you gift yourself".Plan.Plan for the future, don't let it be all that you're doing for the present such that it doesn't let it live your today in peace.

I find it very appropriate to quote Nike's slogan..Just do it!

Feeling like Columbus

There's one thing I've been thinking about over the past couple of days, you could say a week. To get in touch with a person you've once upon a time been close to, after years and years have rolled by is like knowing how to ride a bicycle or learning how to swim. No matter how long it's been since you've tried your hand at each you never forget how to do it. You never forget the skill, you never forget how you used to relate to that one person years and years ago.

I recently got in touch with a friend of mine, it's been 12 years since we talked last. I am also taking for granted that we certainly did not talk about things we are talking about now and yet I feel like it's been 12 weeks, probably 12 months to do it some justice, but 12 years baaah!

There's something about meeting such special people again, some magic that's rekindled, some distant memory that suddenly seems so hard to forget, and very very 'in your face' real. We've each lived our different lives, probably even become completely different people, maybe I am just generalizing but what are the odds that I'm wrong? We still talk and understand like we used to that long ago. It's like she was never gone, and all those small presents that were exchanged back then, have always hung around the room somewhere probably because the hope was always alive that I would be able to talk about them someday with the person who presented them. Maybe it's about keeping that hope alive. That's something I've always believed in. Well here's cheers to meeting a very old friend.....

Being in NY

I have one word for the much hyped city of New York and Manhattan in particular - Spectacular. It's anything but hype, it's pure grandeur. The skyline, the people, the madness, the pace, the food, the buzz of the city. This is Manhattan and as popular saying goes- I am NY

As I live two lives in this city, I can relate to both the curiosity and excitement of a traveller and the pride in working in the prime of the world's finance centre- alongside Wall street.

There's not enough said if my exploits of this city aren't further explained but there aren't adjectives enough to explain everything, some images that simply cannot be caught on the candid camera, some sights that simply do take your breath away, the calm waters of the Hudson river lapping against the shore of the Statue of Liberty (for all GS people the spotlight would be 30 Hudson from Manhattan); the empire state building spiralling into a foggy sky. In this instance, no matter what "mode" the camera was set to, it simply wouldn't capture, the overwhelming view from the 86Th floor of the Empire state, the sounds, lights and camera's of Times Square, Usher posing in Macy's for all Americans to see (this time the camera really couldn't capture, unless you wanted to see his hat);what's to talk about New York? You gotta see it to believe it.

Which reminds me, Ripley's believe it or not! For all you fans of the show, this museum has it all, the gross, the eye-openers, the nerve tickling, the oohs and aahs that the show has, and just next door is Madame Tussuad's. This chain of wax museums has something to say in it's own way.

Broadway! What's NY without Broadway shows. I went for Mary Poppins- nostalgic, immaculate and fantabulous. The only word on every one's lips after the performance was "supercalifridgjalisticexpealidocious" I have no clue if I got that right, despite the cast spelling it to us in every artistic manner possible. The show was simply flawless and the Set's were perfect, especially if you've watched Mary Poppins years ago, this is nostalgia home.

This isn't about the people, the citizens, this place is about the thousands of people who come to visit, who come to work, NY is about them too and that sense of belonging, I have not felt so strongly in such a short span of time on any foreign soil.

One evening, after work, not knowing what to do, we took the Staten island ferry to Staten island, a three Decker that ferries people between the two islands to facilitate constant passage as no other means of transport connects Manhattan and Staten island,we took it to view the two skylines simultaneously - Jersey and Manhattan. It could not get more picturesque! I was too fascinated watching the ripples of the water spread out from where the nose of the ship hit the water to take notice of the diminishing harbour and the picture perfect sight suddenly pop up. It will always be a sight imprinted on my mind for I felt like I was in a calender! The Brooklyn bridge sparkling on the extreme left, working into Manhattan where the Empire state was glistening red that night, the calm subtle waters of the Hudson that met the Jersey bay, it's not so tall buildings still shining splendidly, and the Statue of liberty slowly passing by us or rather us passing by her and it was this slow movement that ensured that we believe this was all real. We've watched all this on World traveller, probably some documentaries, read about it, but here we were witnessing the perfect setting - the backdrop of Saturday night live on NBC.

Talking about NBC and I am going in no particular order, we went one morning for the NBC tour, the Rockefeller tour and the Radio city tour. At the NBC tour we went to the actual settings of some regular shows and even got to witness a stint of a news reading and weather forecasting.

The Rockefeller tour was a bit different. who would have imagined that you could walk around five buildings and not have to glue yourself to the guide to hear all that he's saying. As convenient as ever, we were given headsets to ensure we could hear all that he was saying and yet take our own time to observe everything around us. So there we were, a bunch of us, weaving through the public, headsets on, looking up randomly and learning that Rockefeller Junior was the only courageous man to have gone ahead and built so many skyscrapers during the time of the great depression.

The Radio city tour was equally interesting, after a much hyped description of the Rocketts, a group of girls who performed these high kicks and meticulously planned and perfected dances at Radio city, we were led into this room where an actual Rockett pranced out and posed for us!

We took the metro to Jersey. Jersey is a bit different from Manhattan. More quiet, laid back, rather the calm country side. A perfect place for a summer house. A nice setting for a barbecue, shopping at the Wal-mart, a long pleasant night drive,well, that's exactly what we did!

This city has something to cater to the tastes of the international crowd it attracts. There's one thing though on every one's mind, a note of goodbye. I am NY.

A partial interpretation of the “Interpretation of murder”

I am currently reading this book called the Interpretation of murder by Jed Rubenfeld and I choose to write my views on this book when I am at a stage where I have no clue what is to unfold but there is enough to be said on the first hundred pages of the book.

The writing style that the author has incorporated in this book is very beat around the bush and yet profound. This is better explained by saying it is fiction with a bit of philosophy. Jed’s descriptions of people and places is well articulated and keeps the reader enraptured.About the fiction part actually, I am not too sure, for he has convinced the reader enough to think that it is a true story from the life of Sigmund Freud.

Talking about Sigmund Freud, this renown psychologist made a single trip to the United states in the year of 1909 when some very mysterious incidents happened, that led him to remark that the America’s were unsafe and the people of America were savages. This book by Jed Rubenfeld is a speculative piece that draws up what might have led the Viennese psychologist to undermine America.

Psycho analysis is the theme of this book, the backdrop being Manhattan and the protagonist, an ardent disciple of Freud and a psychoanalyst himself. A murder of a high class damsel and a molestation of a pretty 16 year old, leading the victim to lose her power of speech and memory and how the lives of these two are intertwined is where the plot lies.

Who is the murderer and molester? How do Freud and the American disciple get to the bottom of this through psycho analysis. After Interpretation of dreams, is interpretation of murder a different perspective to Freudian principles? Let’s see how the book unfolds.

Kaira

At an earthly hour, as I walked past,
A much acquainted chain of stores,
A little girl bumped into my legs,
She looked up at me, she changed my day.

First came the smile, her hands followed,
“Pick me up, carry me please”
I mutely followed, trying to remember,
If she had indeed spoken a word.

She looked at me such curiosity,
Gently touched my hair,
“What’s your name?” I caught myself asking,
“Kaira”, Kaira and a smile.

She giggled, and then stifled her giggles.
She blushed and pointed to the clouds.
I held her tiny body close to my heart,
She held me with trust that shook my confidence.

A tap on my shoulder and I knew what it meant.
“Kaira, come to mama” she said,
And in that most minuscule moment of giving her up,
I felt what it felt like to be mom.

A voyage down Tsunami lane...

About two year ago, in the first week of May I went to this village called Ammankoilpathu, which is a small village near Karaikudi (which happens to be in the sate Tamil Nadu) . What was I doing there? Counselling the victims of the Tsunami. It was an eye opening experience. Now, in this village there's this girl called Kokila. So far, the only times when I've heard about girls like Kokila and her family is usually in stories written by Indian authors,who lead dramatically sad lives, who have to fend for themselves, are bonded labourers by the time they turn 7, but here I was, observing the conditions for myself, not fiction, no pages to flip, it couldn't have been more real.

These people gave me the feeling that they were leading the most luxurious life ever, in my opinion, the place couldn't have looked shabbier. There were lessons to be learnt, not one or two. I was a part of the counselling team, but my purpose was dissolving fast for they seemed to be the happiest people, who were content and glad simply to be alive. How many of us take our life for granted? Here's a family, who live right beside the grave of their 8 year old son who couldn't fight the waves, don't have a home. Their makeshift home is made of aluminium, roasting them alive, and Kokila is zooming around the place asking me to check out her room (that's about three-fourths square meter), is singing all the latest Tamil songs for me, insists that she's excellent at painting nails and I should get mine done from her, and can't stop talking about how much fun school is and how she can't wait for school to re-open. Not a word about the awfully frightful experience, not a word about how all her belongings were cruelly washed away, not a word about the puppy that was the centre of her life (so her mother told me) which was also lying beside her brother. I couldn't handle it. It wasn't the terrible stories that the other families had to render, or the magnitude of the damage that overwhelmed me, but the happiness and hope in Kokila's eyes that got me weeping. We all have a story to tell, and we've all learnt from these experiences that float into our lives, making us acknowledge the strength and power of humanity. Let's keep these stories going around. Let's keep the faith.